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The fact that straight couples don’t have to think about these questions is a reminder of difference.
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Sometimes, it will be a matter of safety. Gay people think about when to hold hands or kiss goodbye in public. I have to decide whether to come out or hide again and again - at the doctor’s office, at my child’s school, when talking about weekend plans with colleagues - because people usually assume heterosexuality. How we dress or how we act might identify us as gay but it might not, and it won’t in all circumstances.Įven with a girlfriend - even holding hands - people don’t always see a couple. Our sexual orientation may or may not be readily visible to others. We never leave those initial experiences of shame and discrimination behind completely. That’s part of it, but it’s not the whole picture. What’s at stake isn’t just whether we have the freedom to go about our daily lives and purchase the same things that others are able to buy. A decision in support of the bakery would open the door to sweeping discrimination. Those experiences are part of why I care so much about the Masterpiece Cakeshop case. And yet I, like many of us, also learned pride and hope and found a community that loves me and makes me feel welcome. While I know I grew up with privilege, and others have stories far worse than mine, I also believe that countless other LGBT people could tell stories like this - not the same, but all rooted in a legacy that made us feel ashamed of who we are. We hear about LGBT people who have been physically attacked or even killed for being who they are. We learn that even if our family accepts us, there are some relatives who might not we get asked to hide who we are so as not to make them uncomfortable. And many of us are taught that this difference is bad - shameful, deviant, disgusting. I hadn’t come out to anyone and didn’t even really understand what it meant, but I knew it was an insult.Īt an early age, we learn that it’s at best different to be LGBT. Hearing other kids call anyone who deviated from traditional gender expectations a “fag.” Getting called a “lesbo” at age 11. As a gay person, I grew up knowing I was different.